South Park - Episode 712:
All
About The Mormons? - Joseph Smith Was Called a Prophet
Lyrics with monologues - script
SINGERS
Joseph Smith was
called a prophet
Dumb dumb dumb dumb
dumb
He started the
Mormon religion
Dumb dumb dumb dumb
dumb
Many people believed
Joseph
Dumb dumb dumb dumb
dumb
And that night he-ee
saw an angel
Dumb dumb dumb dumb
dumb
ANGEL
I am Moroni. I am a
Native American.
SMITH
A... Native
American? But your skin
is white.
MORONI
Yes. Long ago all
Native American were
white. We all came
to America from Jerusalem.
And while we were
here we were visited
by Christ.
SMITH
Jesus live here in
America?
MORONI
Yes. Eventually, my
people were all
killed by the other
tribe of Israel,
and as punishment,
God turned their
skin red. These are
the Native Americans
you know today.
SINGERS
Dumb dumb dumb dumb
dumb
SINGERS
Dumb dumb dumb dumb
dumb
MORONI
There is an ancient
book buried near
here, written on
gold plates that account
my people's lives.
Also buried with
the book are two
seer stones, the Urim
and Thummim, which
will allow you to
translate the
writings. Find it, and
fulfill your
destiny.
SMITH
Wooww...
SINGERS
Joseph Smith was
called a prophet
Dumb dumb dumb dumb
dumb
[back to the
present]
[Back to the 1800s,
night. Joseph Smith and another man walk
up into the attic of
a large building]
SINGERS
Dumb dumb dumb dumb
dumb
MAN
What's this all
about, Mr. Smith?
SMITH
Mr. Harris, can you
keep a secret?
HARRIS
Well, sure I can.
SMITH
I have, in my
possession, an ancient
book written on gold
plates that tells
of Jesus Christ's
second coming. Here,
in America.
HARRIS
In America? Really?
That sounds kind
of...
SINGERS
Dumb dumb dumb dumb
dumb
SMITH
It's true. And I'm
going to translate
the plates and
publish it into a book
for the whole world
to read. Now, ahah-I
know you have a lot
of money, Mr. Harris,
and I'm just gonna
need a little bit
to pay for the
publishing costs.
HARRIS
Mmm, I don't know.
Uh, how do you expect
to translate it?
SMITH
With these.
HARRIS
Rocks?
SMITH
They're not rocks.
They're seer stones,
given to me by an
angel. With them,
God allowed me to
translate the plates
into English. Watch.
You take this quill
and paper and write
down what I say.
Sit here. I have the
golden plates
here in this hat. I
need to have them
somewhere dark so I
can read the spiritual
light.
HARRIS
Really?
SMITH
Now, when I put the
seer stones into
the hat, the ancient
letter light up
and change into
English, which I can
then read to you.
HARRIS
Wow!
SMITH
Ooo, I'm seeing the
light. Oh, okay.
Write this down.
"And... so... it...
was... that...
Christ... appeared before...
the...
Nephites."
SINGERS
And that's how the
Book of Mormon was written
Dumb dumb dumb dumb
dumb